You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
