so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
