the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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