Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
they need to just BURY HIM!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
