when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize