At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
