Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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