I wish I could teleport
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize