My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
