so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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