I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
