Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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