im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
