you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Enjoy the penises
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
