Got a toothbrush?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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