Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
