god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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