This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
