apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
