Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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