If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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