Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
