im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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