a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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