The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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