To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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