I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
