I will die if light touches me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
