Can i not drive my cunt home
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
