What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
