just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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