We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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