you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
