everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize