the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can text with my tongue
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
