my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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