It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
