fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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