so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
