guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i believe in u and ur pee
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
