My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
