Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
