I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
