be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
