Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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