Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
