Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
