I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
