it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
