I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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