first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
