my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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