Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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