Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
