Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
