I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
