i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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