This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
