he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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