she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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