i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
