dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
