I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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