He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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