Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
