There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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