what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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