Are we in a gay sports bar?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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