guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we should paint friendship bongs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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