I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
