I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
