How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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