I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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