we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
