My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I would fuck him just for his dog
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
